Rules for Reverends Vol III

December 4, 2011 § Leave a comment

21. Every Vicar’s surplice has a darker patch where it’s been slammed into a funeral director’s car door.

22. There is never a pen in your cassock pocket. Even when you know you left one there the last time you had it on.

23. There is a ‘right’ tune for every hymn. It’s just not the one you chose.

24. You should never take your diary with you to church.

25. Visiting on spec is a waste of time because no one is ever in during the day. Except for the people who are.

26. Everything stops in September. You thought that’s when it started, but that’s when your congregation (who are all retired) go on cruises.

27. You don’t have to make an emergency dog collar any more if you’ve forgotten the real one. Just say you agree with Archbishop Sentamu’s stand on these things.

28. People have long memories, and everyone is related to everyone else. Be careful.

29. The DAC is your friend, and the Faculty process will save your life (Anglicans only).

30. Who else can pronounce a blessing on people and say it’s work?

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